In Search of VERITAS
by 4lettrwrd
Summary: Jasper Whitlock has lost his life to looking for his missing sister, Amy, when a strange girl, identical yet different, crosses his path. They want different things from each other - can the reconcile after miscommunication tears them apart? AU/AH. No OC
1. Chapter 1

Dedicated to **melizzymoo** [who actually bid for me in the SupportStacie auction –shockhorrorgasp-]

**Request: **Jasper/Bella – AH – Angst

**SUMMARY**

****

_Jasper Whitlock has lost his life to looking for his missing sister, Amy. He thinks he's found her when a strange girl, identical yet different, crosses his path. They want different things from each other - can the reconcile after miscommunication tears them apart?_

**If I owned Twilight (or made ANY money from the shit I write), I wouldn't be working on a shitty Mercer laptop from the early 60's and living in a matchbox in the middle of nowhere. Seriously. **

This story contains mention of an OC, who** DOES NOT** feature in the story. She is important to the story line, but she is **NOT PRESENT** at **ANY TIME** during the course of events. Please, remember that.

**SweetDulcinea** is my other half. She tells me to stfu when I get emo & makes sure my shit is somewhat readable.

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**[JASPER]**

525,600 minutes.

31,236,000 seconds.

8,760 hours.

165 weeks.

36 months.

1,095 days. 1,095.

It never got any easier. Doesn't sound like that long, right? 1,095?

What about 8,760?

8,760 hours of emotional torture. Because that's what it was. Never really knowing… determined, searching, but never sure.

What about 31,236,000?

It's not an exact number, but it's close enough. 31,236,000 seconds, and every single one was just as difficult as the one that preceded it. Does that put it in perspective?

5,362 phone calls.

165 trips to the police station.

89 published letters to newspapers and magazines.

525,602 minutes, and I was no closer to finding her. I was beginning to doubt that I ever would.

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**1,096.**

I timed my push-ups to the flashing of the light on my answering machine – the pace made the muscles in my arms ache and burn. I enjoyed the pain. It gave me focus. It was the only distraction I had from thoughts of Amy.

Every day was difficult - but today was worse. **Today** she'd been missing for **3 years**.

Only when my body began to shake and my arms were practically giving out from under me was I forced to stop. I was still watching the little light flash. I had been since I'd gotten home. Long ago – millions of seconds ago – I used to check my messages compulsively, when I managed to drag myself away from my phone at all. After 3 years, no one phoning would have news I wanted to hear. So I made no move to check the messages. I could it put it off a little bit longer.

My hair was dripping sweat down my face, stinging my eyes – I needed to shower. I could put it off for a few more minutes. What's another 15 minutes on top of over half a million?

My showers were never a comfortable experience. The water was never just _warm_ – I worked only in extremes. Boiling hot, or freezing cold. Never just warm. It was meagre penance for my sins.

Once I'd scrubbed away the day's dirt and sweat, I held my face under the spray – the high pressure made it impossible to breathe, like I was drowning – until my lungs started to burn, till they hurt the way the rest of me hurt; body, mind, heart.

I didn't bother to dry off. The chilly evening air felt good against my naked skin. Tugging on a pair of jeans – force of habit – I carried my laptop through to the lounge, lowering the volume on the stereo on the way past. It was still bleeding heavy-bass industrial dance into the air, and it was making my head pound.

I grabbed a beer while I waited for the laptop to boot up – preparation for another night scouring news sites – and tried to work up the nerve to listen to my messages.

**14.**

One from Alice.

"Hey Jasper. Just checking up. Haven't heard from you in a while. You wanna do coffee this week? Let me know. Love you." I sighed heavily, scrubbing a hand over my face and making a mental note to call her… some other time. She was a sweet girl, and one of the only feeble connections to Amy that I had left – I couldn't afford to lose her, but it was becoming increasingly difficult to deal with her particular brand of psychosis.

One from my boss.

He spewed contempt at my clothing, personality and _lack of work ethic_ – among other things. A familiar, venomous diatribe. I hit delete as soon as he started screaming.

The rest of them were from Emmett.

"Hey buddy. Gimme a call when you get this."

"Jaaaaaaasssperrrrr, why aren't you answering your phone?"

"Asshole. Pick up the damn phone."

All of them were the same, except the last one. In the last one, he swore at me – repeatedly and creatively – till I had to hold the phone away from my ear.

The phone rang as I was punching in his number.

"Do you have obsessive compulsive disorder?" I asked, sighing. I knew it would be Emmett phoning. Again.

"Jasper, you _fucking_ wank-stain. Why didn't you answer your fucking phone? You're such a loser."

I snorted. Rosalie – who, really, was the butch one in the relationship – would kick his over-muscled ass if he spoke like that around her. So of course, he reserved his trucker mouth for me.

"I was with Esme, you dick. It's Wednesday, remember…"

You'd think that after 2 and a half years, he _would_ remember. Esme Cullen had made it her mission in life to rescue me from myself. This consisted of feeding me crumpets and Darjeeling every Wednesday morning and keeping me occupied well into the afternoon. She and her husband had been like surrogate parents to Amy, so if it allowed her to feel like she was helping me in some way, I couldn't begrudge her.

There was silence on the other end of the line, but he managed to recover pretty quickly. "Yeah. Right. I knew that… Anyway. You wanna come grab a beer tonight?"

He didn't even wait for me to reply. "Fantastic. Meet me at Rhino Room in 20. Okay? Okay. Cool," and then he hung up. I stared at the receiver disbelievingly for a couple of seconds before rolling my eyes and setting it back in its cradle.

The only good thing about Rhino Room was that it was cheap. Cheap was good, because judging by the increasing frequency and vehement ire of Aro's messages, it was only a matter of time before I was out of a job - he'd made it very clear that he would only put up with my shit for so long.

But Emmett loved the place.

A beer actually sounded like a really good idea, and I figured I owed it to him to at least make an effort, so 15 minutes later, I walked into the bar – to see Emmett, already there, sitting at one of the picnic tables, somehow managing to take up an entire bench, two empty bottles in front of him and another in his hand. I got the feeling that Aro was giving him a hard time at work – because of me. Guilty by association and all that. I tried to care.

Once I'd managed to get a beer out of the highly intoxicated bartender, I made my way over to him. He was still grease-stained from work, and I almost felt bad for leaving him a double work-load. I still couldn't care. He was a big boy, he could deal with it.

He held up his bottle and nodded as I seated myself opposite him.

"Aro is contemplating the best ways to murder you – you know that right?"

"I'm fine thanks, how are you?" I said pointedly. I did _not_ want to talk about Aro and my impending unemployment right now.

"Get off it dude," he spat. "You're in some deep shit at work, and I can't keep covering for you. You need to make a plan."

I took a deep pull on my beer and looked away. As much as I hated it, most of the time I appreciated Emmett's total lack of tact or subtlety and his blunt way of cutting through all the bullshit and going straight for the jugular. I needed that sometimes.

Tonight, though, was not one of those times.

"Yeah, Em. I know. Seriously though," I turned back to him, levelling him with an even gaze, "Just drop it, okay?"

He matched my stare for a second, weighing me up. "Sure, whatever," he said finally, looking away.

We sat in silence after that, sipping our beers and watching kids that couldn't have been older than 17 dancing and groping each other next to the pool tables.

"Seriously, dude, why do you even come here?" I asked incredulously, watching one of the kids weave drunkenly around the dance floor before curling into a ball on top of one of the tables.

He turned to me, grinning playfully. "You can't say this shit is funny to watch…"

The muscles in my face didn't want to cooperate – I couldn't even grimace. I just stared at him blankly, until he coughed and looked away.

Neither of us spoke again.

For an hour, through 5 beers, we sat in silence, watching the crowd and…

In some detached part of my mind, I registered the bottle slipping from my fingers and crashing to the floor.

_She_ was across the room, about to walk out into the night.

She'd turned around to say something to the guy she was with – he looked like a little punk; scruffy clothes and fucked up hair that looked like it hadn't seen a brush in years – and my entire world tilted on it's axis when I saw her face. Amy.

I was out of my seat and across the room before Emmett could blink, but she was already walking out the door.

"Amy!" I shouted, but she didn't turn around. "Amy!"

I caught up to her quickly, stopping her with a hand on her shoulder, spinning her to face me.

For the second time in as many minutes, my world shifted. It was Amy – it _had_ to be – but in her eyes - chocolate brown when they should have been ocean blue, like mine – there was no recognition. She stared at me, unblinking, her face totally impassive, if a little bit shocked.

I was vaguely aware of her little friend in the periphery, watching us, but it was all just background to me. The only thing that mattered was that she was here in front of me, different, but real. I don't know how long we stared each other, but it was only when the little punk made some sort of comment – "Come on, Bella. Let's go," - that she blinked and jerked her shoulder out of my grip.

I should have said something, but all I could do was stare – until she gave me a polite, tight-lipped smile, and shattered my world with four cold, emotionless words.

"Can I help you?"

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**alright... this isn't going to be pretty. but you know you're gonna keep reading anyway.**

**hit the review button, dudes. seriously. I love hearing what you think.**


	2. Chapter 2

still dedicated to **melizzymoo**

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**[JASPER]**

Our entire family was pale, blonde and blue-eyed. For generations. We were almost Arian.

When our parents died – coked-to-the-gills enough to wrap their car around a tree – Amy had dyed her hair jet black. I didn't know if it was a statement of rebellion or mourning, but I never questioned her on it because she liked it that way and I just wanted her to be happy.

Her twelfth birthday was the last day I saw her with blonde hair.

The girl standing in front of me – Amy – her hair was the same shade of dirty blonde that I remembered from so long ago. I think.

"Are you naturally blonde?" I asked, fighting the urge to reach out and touch her – to check that she was real.

She looked taken aback. It must have seemed a bit left-field, I admit.

"Uh, no," she said, glancing at her little punk friend. She actually glared a little. "Uhm. My friend," she nodded in his direction, "he convinced me to bleach my hair. I don't even know why."

She ran a hand through her hair and didn't seem appeased when her friend whined, "But it looks _good,_ Bella!"

It was wrong. It was all wrong.

Wrong eyes. Wrong hair. Wrong voice.

"Sorry," I muttered, looking anywhere but at her. "I… I thought you were someone else."

"Hey, don't worry about it," verging on chipper now that she knew – or assumed – I wasn't a mugger or a psychopath or a drunk. "I'm Bella, by the way."

Her hand intruded into my peripheral vision. I still couldn't look at her.

I willed my muscles to cooperate, and unlike earlier, they did. I shook her hand quickly, dropping it even quicker. She didn't seem to notice, even though the little punk was staring daggers at me. I cocked my head at him and smiled coldly. "Jasper," I said, moving my eyes over to Am.. Bella… again so that she would know I was talking to her and not her dickish little friend.

She noticed that and glanced between us, huffing slightly.

"That's Edward," she said, nodding in his direction again. "Ignore him. He's socially challenged."

Nobody laughed.

Emmett coughed pointedly next to me. I hadn't noticed him wander out..

He was staring at… Bella… the same way I'm sure I'd been – still was – the first time I saw her. She turned her attention to him when he coughed again.

"Hi," he said,

"Hi," she looked positively tickled.

After that, everyone just stood around, awkwardly, looking at each other.

The little friend broke the silence, whining. "Bellllaaaa, I thought we were leaving?"

"We're not attached at the hip, honey," she said sweetly, not even turning to look at him. He didn't move.

"Bella," she introduced herself, holding her hand out to Emmett.

"Nice to meet you. So…" he gestured toward the doorway we were blocking. "Why are we just standing around? Why don't you guys come have a drink with us?" He looked to me for confirmation, and like a fool, I nodded. Bella looked delighted. _Edward_ looked like he wanted to spit.

"I don't need to check your ID, do I?" he winked at Bella - either, he was trying to show that he was joking, or he was flirting. I didn't think he'd be dumb enough to flirt. Rose would kick his ass.

So we made our way back to our table, Bella and her little friend in tow. While she and Emmett got acquainted, I left to get another beer. The last one was drying to a sticky mess under our feet, and no one had made a move to sweep away the broken glass. That's the only thing I liked about this place – No one gave a shit; I could relate.

Edward followed me to the bar, though we didn't so much as look at each other. He kept shooting dirty glances at Emmett over his shoulder, and I would have laughed if I though myself capable of finding humour in this situation.

Beers in hand – 2 for Edward - eventually, we went back to the table, still silent. Emmett and Bella were all over each other – in a totally platonic way. Anything else and I would be forced to do something I might regret. I told myself that it was only because she was so young. I couldn't even convince myself.

They were the only ones carrying the conversation. Edward clutched his beer and looked surly, and I was too busy staring at Bella to really say anything, or pay any sort of attention.

As long as I didn't listen to her voice, I could pretend that it was Amy sitting across the table – close enough to touch.

There were too many differences, but I could ignore them. I could delude myself, just for tonight. I could pretend that the last three years had never happened.

Her eyes were different, so I didn't look into them. Her voice was different, so I tuned it out.

I watched her face – the way her lips curved when she laughed at one of Emmett's jokes – the way her forehead creased when she was concentrating.

I watched her hands while they ripped at the label on her beer bottle, the way they moved to her hair when she was self-conscious.

She laughed a lot. She seemed happy.

It was difficult for me to breathe when she smiled, because I hadn't seen Amy smile in so long.

She must have noticed me staring. Her eyes would flit to me constantly, and even though she was talking to Emmett, I got the feeling that her smiles were directed at me.

I didn't say anything, but I couldn't not smile back. I was smiling at Amy. With every quirk of my lips, I was telling her – _I'm sorry. I love you. I miss you. Come home._

Even though I spent most of the time trying to block out the sound of her voice, I caught snatches of her story. She was 23 – the same age as Amy. She'd just moved here. She was living with _Edward._

"Baby, we need to go," he said eventually, rubbing his hand down her arm. I wanted to rip his head off for touching her.

She pouted at him, but didn't protest. Her eyes twinkled when she looked at him. "Fine," she said, sighing lightly. "It was nice to meet you guys."

Her smile was bright, and my voice stuck in my throat at the sight of it. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. She was leaving. She was taking all traces of Amy with her.

I didn't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Emmett had no such problem, and he stood to hug her. Seeing her little frame totally dwarfed by his, his hands on her, boiled my blood, and I wrote off the anger to the fact that he had Rose, and she was so young. Edward looked like he was ready to lose his shit and drag her away by her hair, and I could sympathise – I almost felt bad for him. Almost.

When I finally managed to get my limbs to cooperate, I stood and shook his hand first. Bella was looking at me from under her eyelashes, and it melted me a bit. I remembered that look. That was the look that told me Amy needed me to love her. So that's what I did. I wrapped her tightly in my arms, cupping my hand against the back of her head to hold her to me.

We stayed like that for an immeasurable moment, and she only shifted once, to wrap her arms around me and pull me impossibly closer. I remembered the feeling of having her in my arms, and I knew I would pay for this moment in the morning.

Eventually, Edward and Emmett cleared their throats pointedly, and A.. Bella.. pulled herself away. We stared at each other for a moment, not awkward, but something close. Her eyes – her wrong, chocolate brown eyes – were tender.

How would I feel in the morning? I had Amy in front of me – a piece of Amy – and in the morning, it would be gone.

I didn't watch as she left.

I didn't look at Emmett as he suggested getting another beer, or when he slid the bottle in front of me.

I didn't listen to him as he gushed about Bella – she's so sweet. She's so funny. She looks so much like Amy.

I didn't think about her.

I didn't think about Amy.

I didn't think at all.

I drank.

I woke up the next morning curled in the foetal position next to the toilet in Emmett's bathroom.

"I was wondering when you were going to wake up," a soft voice said from above me. I opened my eyes gingerly, looking for the voice. If not for the fact that I knew the woman kneeling over me had the temperament of a blood-thirsty harpy, I could have been forgiven for thinking an angel was watching over me.

Blonde hair – like mine. Like Bella's – haloed by the light coming through the bathroom door, brushed against my arm as she reached over to me to flush the toilet. Obviously I hadn't last night. The air in the bathroom was rank, but she made no comment.

"How are you feeling?" she asked, running her hand over my hair, and I couldn't think of anything to say in response.

"Yeah," she said, "I can imagine."

She didn't judge, and God knew I must be a pathetic sight - she just took care of me. And Emmett, as apparently he was in no better shape than I was.

As we sat around the breakfast table, sipping black coffee and trying not to throw up, she bustled around the kitchen, wiping down counters and generally making us both feel like fools.

"This is what you get," she said

"What are you talking about, Roe?" Emmett groaned, voice distorted by the fact that his face was pushed into the table.

"This is what you get for trying to keep up with the younger generation. You guys aren't teenagers anymore. You should know better," I could hear the laughter in her voice.

"We're thirty, baby, we're not dead. You make me feel like an old man."

I said nothing. The way I currently felt had nothing to do with attempting to hold onto my lost youth, and everything to do with the fact that I couldn't stand to remember the sight of Bella smiling.

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it's still not pretty, but **SweetDulcine****a** makes it prettier. and Jo (read: ficwife/soulmate) makes me feel better about the angstyemo shit that I can't seem to stop writing.

**and you still know you're gonna keep reading.**

**now hit the review button. I want to know what you think.**


	3. Chapter 3

still dedicated to **melizzymoo.**

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"Come on, Jas. One beer. It's not gonna kill you."

"Fucking fine, dude," I sighed, exasperated. Anything to shut him up. "Where do you wanna go? And I swear to God, if you say Rhino Room, I will string you up by your balls."

"I don't even care where we go, dude, so long as I can get a drink in me."

We ended up at some cutesy little cafe - definitely a change of scenery - but it had outside seating, it was close, and it was cheap. Perfect for us.

We sat at one of the tables outside, sipping our beers in silence, trying to unwind. Work was a bitch recently. I would deny it, if asked, but I was glad that Emmett had dragged me out. Sometimes, it seemed too much to bear that, at the end of the day, I had to go home and know that Amy wasn't there.

If it weren't for Roe and Emmett, I would have burnt out long ago.

We were only on beer number 2 when Emmett's eyes lit up and he stood, leaning over the railing, grinning like a child.

"Hey," a soft voice said from behind me, "Emmett right?" but she sounded uncertain, and he chuckled.

I turned my head, knowing just which set of wrong eyes I was about to see. Eyes I'd been trying not to think about for the past 2 weeks.

And there they were – chocolate brown and heartbreaking because they weren't blue, and seeing her was still a shock to my system.

"Jasper," she said, smiling slightly, and there was no question in her voice this time. She remembered _me__,_ and part of me couldn't help but wonder why.

"Bella," I nodded, choking on Amy's name, though I doubted _Bella_ noticed.

Of course, her little fuckface friend was with her, hand on her waist and she wasn't Amy, but I wanted to rip his arms off and beat him with them for touching her. No one noticed my hands curling to fists on the table in front of me, and it was an effort to make them relax.

"Where you guys off to?" Emmett asked, totally oblivious to my internal struggles. I wanted to grab _her__,_hold her, and I wanted her to fuck off, and I wanted her to be Amy, and I wanted Amy to never have been gone.

"Actually, we're just heading home," fuckface piped in as Bella opened her mouth to speak, pulling her closer to his side, like he was afraid she was about to bolt. She just rolled her eyes, and shifted away from him again, though she didn't remove his arm from around her waist.

"We were just at the movies," she said, frustration clear in her voice, shooting him a sideways glare.

"Why don't you come have a drink with us?"

I was sure, if I assaulted Emmett, I'd regret it in the morning. That, and Roe would probably kick my ass.

So I said nothing. I didn't look at them when they took their seats at our table, and I tried to pretend that I didn't notice the little wankstain's glare, or feel Bella's eyes on me as I slowly ripped the label off my beer.

I tried to tune everything out as Bella and Emmett chatted, because they seemed far too friendly considering they'd only met once, and I was still resisting the urge to hit something.

Edward and I just glowered at each other until the waitress arrived with a fresh round of beers.

"So where were you guys?" she asked, scrunching her nose slightly. "No offense, but you look dirty."

It's almost comical how offended her little friend looked on our behalf. Emmett snorted, and I rolled my eyes. He seemed to be the only one who had taken her words as an insult. Uptight little wanker.

"We were at work. That's what us grown-ups do," Emmett said, winking and she laughed - the sound was beautiful and fucked up and toxic and it wasn't Amy's laugh, and I had to look away.

"You guys play in the dirt for a living?" she asked, deadpan. "No, no. I've got it – you wrestle pigs." She nodded, satisfied, her eyes twinkling mischievously, and she said it with such a straight face that even I couldn't help but laugh. It looked like her friend was about to have an aneurysm, and judging by her wince, he thought kicking her under the table was a good idea. I had to restrain myself from breaking his nose against the nearest hard surface. She just hissed at him and turned her attention back to us, obviously still waiting for an answer.

Emmett was too busy attracting attention with his guffaw, and it didn't look like he was going to gain control of himself anytime soon, so providing her answer fell to me. "Diesel mechanics," I said, not really caring that I sounded rude. I couldn't speak to her.

"That's kinda hot," was her only reply, and the clean-cut, Abercrombie&Fitch little douchebag all but blanched. She didn't notice. Her eyes were locked on mine.

It took a moment, but I managed to look away. I didn't want to see her brown eyes. I wanted to pretend that they were blue.

Having Bella at the table was a bittersweet feeling because I knew that she wasn't Amy, but deep down, I wanted to pretend she was, because I wasn't yet prepared to face the fact that a look-alike was the best I was going to get.

For a while I just sat there. I knew her eyes were still on me, but I didn't look back. I sat, and I tried not to listen, and I drank my beer.

Emmett and Bella nattered on like old friends, and Edward glared at everything, tapping his fingers against the table until Bella placed her hand over his to still them. He took this an invitation to interlock their fingers, and I was filled with the sudden urge to throw him head first over the railings.

Her eyes shifted to their intertwined fingers and her forehead creased slightly, but her expression cleared before I could make sense of it.

"So," Emmett said, taking a pull of his beer, distracting me from my vicious musings, "what are you munchkins up to this weekend? Wild frat parties? D&D?"

"You're actually a bit of a dick, aren't you?" Bella asked and though her tone was serious, her eyes sparkled. "We don't really have plans this weekend." She looked across to her little friend, and to an untrained eye, the look seemed reproachful. "We'll probably just chill at home."

"Those are shitty plans," Emmett said solemnly, before his face broke out into one of those I've-just-had-an-amazing-idea smiles that usually ended badly.

"Come to my place this Saturday," he said, . "We're having a barbecue." He looked thoughtful for a second. "Actually, it's more like an engagement party, but still."

"You're getting married?" Bella squealed, and it was impossible to miss the way her little douchebag friend's eyes flitted to her at the last word.

"Indeed I am," Emmett nodded, smiling proudly, "and you should definitely come 'round on Saturday. Roe'll love you."

"We'll be there," Bella said decisively, and _Edward _didn't seem too thrilled at the idea.

"Well, we better get going," she said, downing the last of her beer. "This one," she jerked her head towards Edward, "is getting cranky."

She and Emmett both laughed, and Edward looked like he wanted to punch something. Or cry. Even I couldn't resist a snicker.

"Alright, hun. Cheers," Emmett said as he stood to hug her. "I'll see you guys on Saturday, yeah?"

"Definitely," she said.

When she and her little lapdog where out of sight, Emmett turned to me and smiled. "That girl is seriously something else," he said.

"Yeah, she's something else alright." I looked down at my half-full beer bottle and then downed the entire thing.

That night when I got home, I watched the blinking light flashing on the answering machine and drank half a bottle of scotch. I played one of the mixed CDs that Amy had made a few weeks before she'd disappeared and at 2AM, neighbours started bashing on my door, screaming at me to turn it down.

– I didn't.

I listened to it on repeat until the words started to blur together, and I'd drunk enough scotch to make the world spin around me.

I didn't go into the work the next day.

I woke up, eyes red and stinging, head throbbing and sick to my stomach. In my hazy state, I went to check if Amy had gotten up in time to get to school and when I saw her empty, dusty room, I screamed – in frustration and fear and denial.

I ripped the pictures from the wall, threw her books across the room, and cleared her dressing table with one violent swipe of my arm.

When I'd run out of things to destroy, I collapsed onto her bed and hugged her pillow to my face, sobbing like I hadn't allowed myself to do in years.

Hours later, I woke again, feeling no better than I had before I'd fallen asleep.

I surveyed the damage I'd done with a frown and stalked out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me. I hadn't set foot in her room for years – it had remained exactly as it was the day she left. If... – when she came back, I wanted everything to be the way she remembered it.

Now it was ruined, and I needed to get out of the house and away from all the reminders of how I'd failed.

For over an hour, I walked, going nowhere in particular. I smoked, and I tried not to think about the way Bella flicked her hair when it was getting in her eyes, or the way Amy used to pick apart her food, or the way Bella's eyes creased when she laughed.

When I ran out of cigarettes, I ambled into a convenience store and went straight to the counter. As I approached, the blonde that had been standing there turned around and I came face to face with the very girl I'd been trying so hard not to think about.

"Jasper!" she said, jumping a bit when she saw me, one hand going to her heart. "Wow. I didn't expect to see you here."

I nodded, at a loss for words. What could I say to her? "Do you live around here?" I asked, for want of anything better.

"No, I live..." she gestured vaguely with her hand, waving southwards, "down that way..."

"Oh," I said lamely.

There was an uncomfortable silence, and I didn't know what to do, and it felt like my skin was crawling.

"You live around here?" she asked.

"Uh..." I nodded vaguely, "Yeah, around here somewhere."

"Oh, ok," she said, and I could see the tension was getting to her. She was shifting on her feet, but her eyes lingered on me. I didn't want her to leave.

"So what are you doing down this side of the world?" I asked, because I didn't know what else to say. I didn't know this girl, and if I was honest with myself, I didn't want to – I wanted her to be Amy.

"Just, uhm... Just walking," she said, shrugging. "I needed to get out of the house."

"You live with Edward?" I asked, and she looked taken aback. She shrugged again, shuffling her feet. I hadn't meant to make her uncomfortable, but that relationship didn't seem like it could be too comfortable.

"Yeah," she said, toeing the linoleum self-consciously. "I should probably get back home, actually. He worries."

I wanted to protest, or ask her something else, or just hug her, but I couldn't. "Will I see you at Emmett's party on Saturday?" I asked instead, and the corners of her mouth lifted slightly, and I couldn't help but smile back.

"Yeah, definitely. I actually meant to phone one you to get directions."

The words spilled out of my mouth before I'd given them any thought, "You want me to come pick you up?"

Again, she looked taken aback, but she gave me a dazzling smile and nodded. Then, for some reason, she frowned. "You sure?" she asked, and this time I nodded, confused.

"Yeah, of course. I offered didn't I?"

She wrote her address on her till slip and handed it to me, fingers brushing mine slightly, and she smiled again. I wanted to hold her to me, and I wanted to run away, so I just stood and shoved my hands into my pockets. "Well," she shuffled her feet again. "I should probably get going."

She looked at me again, and there was an awkward moment of tension, where neither of us really knew how to say goodbye. Eventually, she lifted her hand and gave me a tiny wave, which I returned.

She was the closest thing I had to Amy, and as I watched her walk away, it was painful. I'd let Amy walk away and I'd lost her. I couldn't let the same thing happen with Bella.

* * *

**SweetDulci** is my alpha. She makes my shit readable.

I know it's taken ages to get this up, but I hope you're still reading.  
and leave a review if you feel so inclined.


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